At some point in life many of us are guilty of carrying secret anger; anger that is hidden, unspoken, and quietly justified in our own hearts.

Secret anger is especially dangerous. It doesn’t simply fade with time. Instead, it slowly eats away at us, replacing kindness with resentment and compassion with animosity. When it is kept buried for too long, it eventually explodes; often surprising and devastating those who thought they truly knew us. Even we can be shocked by what comes out when we try to keep the lid on for too long.

This kind of anger is subtle. It can disguise itself through clever schemes, quiet manipulation, calculated maneuvers, or outright deception. In its darkest form, unresolved anger can turn violent; manifesting as physical abuse, sexual abuse, or even murder. These are not sudden actions; they are often the end result of anger that was never addressed.

The painful truth is this: secret anger hurts the one who carries it the most.

It hides behind smiles.
It laughs at the dinner table.
It pretends everything is fine;
while it quietly simmers beneath the surface, targeting the people closest to us.

Secret anger has a long memory. It can take an event that happened ten, twenty, or even thirty years ago and quietly turn it into the foundation for a broken relationship, later labeled as “irreconcilable differences.” What was never spoken becomes what can no longer be healed.

There are two powerful practices that can help us confront and heal secret anger:

1) COMMUNICATION

In the story of the prodigal son, the older brother had been angry for years. His resentment didn’t surface immediately, it remained hidden until the younger brother returned home and was celebrated. Only then did the anger rise to the surface.

The father’s response is deeply revealing in the Gospel of Luke 15. In essence, he tells his older son: If only you had told me how you felt, if only you had shared what you needed, I would have been there for you.

Unspoken pain grows heavier with time. Communication doesn’t erase the past, but it opens the door to healing. Silence, on the other hand, allows anger to take root.

2) FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It is not denial, weakness, or pretending nothing happened. Scripture instructs us clearly in the Book of Colossians 3:13:
“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Forgiveness does not excuse wrongdoing, but it releases you from being chained to it. It doesn’t just let the other person off the hook; it lets you off the hook. It creates space for peace, clarity, and forward movement in your life.

Holding onto anger may feel like protection, but in reality, it becomes a prison.

If you are carrying secret anger today, know this: healing begins when truth is brought into the light. Speak what has been buried. Release what has been poisoning your peace. You deserve freedom, not just from others but from the weight within yourself.

God bless.